A Life In Review??? Yeah - Right.

Today, I turned forty.  Yes, you read that right the big 4-0.

I remember when I was a kid and someone said they were turning forty, I was dumbfounded and couldn't even comprehend living to be that age.  My young mind couldn't even wrap around the concept of living for forty years. I really thought forty year old's had one foot in the grave, napping all the time in their rocking chair with their blanket covering them to keep the chill away, a grumpy attitude towards everything young and awake, creaky bones, swelling ankles, busy planning their funeral, and waiting for old man reaper to come collect their ticket, or something else like that.

Here's the odd thing, I don't feel like what I thought a forty year old should feel (not on most days).  In my head I'm still a rock solid twenty-eight year old (until I look in the mirror and notice a few more wrinkles and other things going south that use to go north)!  Take the mirror away and I'm a twenty-eight year old, with her heels kickin up, screamin let's go, do it again,  jumping in feet first without looking type of attitude.

Yeah, it sounds like I'm in need of changing my views on what age I'd consider old.  I'm thinking 90 is a good old ripe age, it's a hell of a long time to live too (sorry Grandpa, but that really is a looong time).

A typical post of this type would now turn into a 'Life in Review' type.  It would cover items like; what I've learned, what I should do different, what if, what is, blah,blah, blah type of post.  But hey, this is me, and this isn't how I think (remember the twenty-eight year old living in my mind).  I hate to break it to you, but this is NOT the direction I'm going.  Sorry for those who may be looking for a bit of advice, I'm saving that for another day....  Instead, I'm turning to a conversation:

Earlier today I said to my sister (who by the way is only a year younger then me), "I'm still trying to figure out what I want to do when I grow up." 

My sister started to giggle in that tone. The tone that meant, 'umm you should know by now, your forty for goodness sakes.  You have one leg in the grave, and the other one just about ready to fall in'.

She soon followed her giggle with, "You are forty, you know?"  

My mind want to scream at her, 'What you mean since I'm forty, I'm suppose to have this already figured out?  Well guess what, this forty year old doesn't quite know what she's going to do when she grows up!'  However I calmly (I think) said, "Yeah, but I'm only half way through living!" 

That's right, I still have at least forty more years of living.  A hundred years ago, that was equivalent to two life times!  In modern day America, I have the luxury of living two life times.  This means that I can make-over, change, re-create, or live another life at least two times.  I've spent  my first life time (in a brave, lively, ferocious, pleased, and happy manner), and now I have another one to look forward to and figure out what I want to 'do' and 'be'.

I still don't know what I want to do when I grow-up, but here's one thing I can say about my next forty years. I'm going to work better on getting that damn Sheila in my head to shut up.  I'm going to ignore her fun deflating tone and get out there and act like I'm 28 (well a bit more sober at least).  I'm going to jump in, feet first, not looking back, and grinning all the way.  

I do have a list of items I'd like to do before the old man reaper comes, you can review it here.

Tuesday's Teeming with Treasures 'I Can't Suck'

The other evening my daughter was laying in my bed, on my side no less.  Eating what looked like a homemade frozen pop.

I asked her to eat her food on the floor. She causally said she wasn't eating (technically she's right).  I then asked her to suck on the floor.  

She calmly looks at me and says, "Mom, I can't suck, I'm too awesome!"

Now if only all adults, and children, would embrace this awesomeness attitude, we'd all be living the life we were meant to live.



Tuesday's Teeming with Treasures are quick motivational notes from my life.  Mainly I post them for my use, to help me treasure each day, focus on the AMAZING-NESS that surrounds me.  Most importantly they help me remember to get out of me head and into my true self.

A Forgotten Primal Passion Re-Ignited. Why It's Good to Feel Like a Rat Running on It's Wheel

I've spent the last 10 years or so learning to love to run long distance outdoors.  Now don't get me wrong, I love to run, but not too far (like 1/4 of a mile max)!

I have been blessed with a very powerful and strong body (thanks to genetics) that helps me excel at running sprints.

In high school, I was AMAZING (the older I get the more amazing I was)! I was a better then average, almost collegiate quality sprinter, however the man that was in my life at the time persuaded me to not apply and then turn down the scholarships I did receive - that's a story for another time.

I remember spending hours, upon hours after school with my great runner friend, Melissa. We'd run the stairs, the track, do strides, lift weights, massage out each others' knots from such hard work. 


We streamlined our bodies into musclular, lean, power packed, sprinting machines!  

We could outperform anyone on our team, and we liked that!  

I remember one of my favorite things to do was see how much weight I could lift on the leg press. My goal was to be able to lift at least 300 pounds - almost 3 times as much as I weighed. This one day I remember a football player came to use the leg press after I just finished. It was pretty ego-tistacal when he had to take off over 100 pounds in order to uses it. I had the most muscular thigh quad muscles (looking back that wasn't the best strategy) and I was proud of them!

Now back to the reason I told you about my love affair with the high school gym. I recently got a killer deal on a gym membership that's only minutes from my house. At first I was a bit hesitant since I love the outdoors and I love running outside an being in the mountains. I just love having them as my personal gym. However, I have started to notice that when I run outside, my knees hurt longer and more then usual.

I decided to go for the membership, knowing that some of my knee pain is due to a weakness or imbalance in some of the my leg muscles.

While meeting with a personal trainer, I was telling her that my main goal was to strengthen a few key muscles for the knee so that they don't hurt as much while running. I also explained that I'd use the gym when the weather wasn't ideal outside for me to play in. After our meeting she helped create a plan that would fit my needs and still leave lots of outdoor play time.

After going to the gym for a couple of weeks, I can tell you why so many people run on treadmills for hours at a time. No, it's not because of the TV they watch (but that does help you take your mind off of the fact that you're esentially a mouse on one of those rat wheels), but because it doesn't hurt your knees!




After running on the treadmill, I'm still able to walk down the stairs without shooting pain up my leg, and then walk back up!

I've also found how much I truley LOVE lifting weights. 

There's something so primal about maxing your muscles to near exhaustion, that really pumps me up. I forgot how much I LOVE it! I feel so at home on the weight machines that sometimes I find myself transformed to 20 years ago!


Lifting weights, running stairs, sprinting around the track with a great friend, knowing we were all that, and laughing at ourselves along the way.

I can't wait for my gym day - tomorrow.

BTW, I still play outside 1 or 2 days a week so I can still maintain that base fitness, but man can my knees hurt some days.

Changing the View Looking Back at Me

The other day I heard a great suggestion that has changed the view looking back at me - literally.

Through running miles and miles and miles, I have been blessed with the ability of deep concentration and focus - Yes Dad it finally happened! However when I'm in the 'zone' my facial muscles relax, thus creating this look on my face of pure pissy-ness.

I have this natural upside down arch in my lips that make me look angry when I'm not smiling (I so wish they were naturally full and kissable like my sister Rebekah). Yes, genetics really pulled the dice on this one! I'm naturally a positive, upbeat person who enjoys conversing with others, however people will avoid me because I look so darn mean and angry when I'm focused.

This natural pissy-ness look also carries it way into my new best friend - the mirror.  When I look at myself in the mirror, I took angry and then Sheila (remember her, the mean witch in my mind) takes this moment and sneaks her way back onto her throne of lies and rude comments.

As soon as Sheila has taken her place, I suddenly start picking out all the 'flaws' on my face and body.  There's nowhere safe from her nit picking, negative B.S.   Suddenly my great mood has turned - now, I really am pissy!

What a jerk Sheila is, just going about ruining my day!

Well, I heard thee BEST piece of advice from Julie Parker during an interview with The Self Love Revolution hosted by Amy Smith and Andrea Owen (this is totally a life changing revolution and one that I suggest every woman should be a part of.  You can still get their audios to also change your life for the better by clicking here).  Sorry got a bit off topic...

Julie Parker gave a tip that totally changed how I look at myself in the mirror.  It's such a simple, yet effective tool:

SMILE! 

Smile at yourself in the mirror. Each and every time you see your reflection anywhere, smile! Just start out smiling at your self. Smile at yourself as you walk by until you are no longer able to see your self in the mirror.

I have to admit, I felt a bit silly doing this at first.  I found it was a difficult thing to do, to be so nice to myself, especially when I've been so mean for so long.  Habits take a while to change.  They need to be replaced with better ones, like smiling at yourself in the mirror.

The first week I totally felt cheesy.  Sheila loved to mock me when I started, I kept smiling though.  Slowly Sheila took note, and started becoming small and disappear into her dark underworld.  At the end of the first week, I finally got over the silly-ness feeling.  

During the 2nd week, I noticed that I mentally started to feel better about myself each time I smiled at me.  Soon I found I was smiling more then ever before, and the world smiled back through the mirror.

Now I'm in the 3rd week, and holy smolly - does this tip work!  I found myself feeling a bit down, due to a loss in the family.  With my mind elsewhere I forgot to smile at myself one morning.  I walked out of the bathroom, stopped, I had this feeling like I forgot something.  I turned around, went back into the bathroom, looked at myself and smiled!  

I looked right at my myself and smiled, a true cheesy, just gotta be me smile.

Imagine my surprise when I iimmediately felt better, more calm, and refreshed.   (I did stop prior to the moment where I should point at myself in the mirror, while winking, followed by a 'looking sexy now baby' comment.  I kind of felt that would've taken it a bit to far, at least for a beginner like me.)

To smile at my reflection and mean it

I suggest you try it.  Smile at yourself like you do your best friend. Tell me how it goes after you've been doing this for a while.

Dimple Super Powers - And How my Dog, Allie, Taught Me Love

Dimples, oh don't we love dimples, especially on babies when they first learn to smile! Dimples, whether on the cheeks, or the chin come with their own super powers of cuteness, attraction, and persuasion. Oh how lucky are those that have the dimple super powers.

Then there's others that have been blessed with dimples, however not where we'd expect! Some have them in places we'd rather not, like our butt, legs, calf, oh hell just about anywhere else except our face.

I'm one of these lucky ones who has been blessed with an excess of dimples, not on the cheeks of my face, rather on the cheeks of my behind! Up until a few days ago, I would just curse at my self everytime I looked at my dimples in the mirror. I would curse the genetic dice game that gave me such noticible, indents in my hind side. 


I've even tried the many different lotions and creams that pormise smooth looking skin and the disaperance of those dimples.  I'd spend my hard earned money on those expensive miracle creams.  I'd then spend hours massaging that cream in circular motions until my behind looked like a macaque monkey's - bright red! When the bottle was gone, I'd start comparing the indents, checking to see if they're gone.  Each time I must confess the dimple was still there, taunting me with it's craterlike looks.

I remember one day about 8 years or so ago, I went into work in what I thought, was a nice summer outfit, with bottoms that were daisy petal white in color. I'd worn this outfit several times before, enjoying what I thought was a 'classy' outfit. On this particular day, a co-worker 'jokingly' commented to no one in particular, but loud enough for the entire small office to hear.   'If you choose to wear white bottoms to work, you should make sure your hindside is smooth or find a liner to hide the butt dimples.'

I was so mortified! I couldn't believe I've been wearing these pants, and my dimply behind created a crater looking backside for everyone to see. I was so paranoid that I avoided walking for the rest of the day in fear of someone else seeing my cratered behind. When work finally ended, I made sure to be the last one to leave.  As soon as I got home, I ripped off those pants and gave them to goodwill (I may have even stopped by goodwill on the way home, thus driving home in my skives).

I've had this blessing now for my entire life, and I've let it hold me back. I've let, Sheila, my mean spirited taunting, judgemental, critical, gremlin run this part of my body's self esteem and self love. To avoid Sheila's critical comments, I would avoid looking at my 'cheeks' so I wouldn't have to hear her cruel words about how 'fat, ugly, unattractive, unloved, out of shape, or lazy I was.

Oh how Sheila's words have caused me to loathe myself. I've allowed her to make me feel all of these unworthy feelings about myself. I've let her take so much control over my thoughts about my dimples, that I have actually let it get in the way of having a good time. Whether it be a romp in the bedroom, the wearing of short shorts, or a swim with my daughter.  I've allowed Sheila to keep me small and hidden.

Not anymore! Those days are over Sheila! Start packing your bags!

Through the work of Andrea Owen and Amy Smith of The Self Love Revolution (check them out they're GREAT), I am learning to put Sheila back in her box, manage her when she tries to leave, and quit letting her words run my life. The other day, when Andrea and Amy were interviewing Julie Parker, she brought up a tool or idea to help turn around our self body image thoughts. She said our inner thoughts should be from our dog's point of view (or best friend - but it was the dog portion that got my ears perked up)!

Now, here's something for me to mull over - How would my dog, Allie, talk to me about my dimples?

First and foremost, she wouldn't even notice! If she did notice, they'd say something like, "Oh, I love the dimples girl - now lets go play!"

Then she'd continue on in her excited, focused happy Allie voice while dropping her ball at my feet, "Here's my ball, just roll it back to me - that's all you have to do! Oh you're just the BEST human ever, look at you smile at me when I bring the ball back. Oh that makes me happy, see my tail wagging wildly. I love to see you smile and happy.  Here's the ball back, now throw it. Come on... PLEASE....."

My dog, Allie, who is the BEST dog on the planet (just ask either myself or her) is the best 'person' for me to learn how to change the tone of my inner voice. To quit critizing what I can't control, to be kind, patient, loving, and accepting - just like I would of her or a friend. Allie who is always happy, excited, and focusing on more important things like; my smile, or that inner glow that radiates through my eyes, and of course the ball.

Allie playing in the snow after a visit
to the Deaf and Blind School

Yes, my darling dimples. I love you - you are what makes me, me. Now let's pick up that ball, go outside and make Alllie's day!